Challenging Milestones

Crying babies are not misbehaving. They are trying to communicate. Picking up and comforting a crying baby will not spoil her.

Do a short and sweet good-bye. Try to find familiar people to care for the baby. Create consistent routines when possible.

Need adult help (swaddling, rocking, holding, quiet talk) to calm down.

To encourage behavior, provide attention, smile, and clap. Ignore undesired behaviors.

Provide frequent checks and attention.

Remain calm, don’t take it personally. Try to distract or redirect their attention.

Assume they will touch or put things in their mouth. Put small objects (choking hazards) and breakables out of reach.

Have a variety of different items to play with (wooden spoons, plastic containers, lids. Show them different ways to play with the same object (e.g. stacking, tapping, rolling).

Keep instructions short—one or two words (No touch! Be gentle. Hot!). Use actions to show what you want (e.g., say “Clean up time!” and start putting away toys).

Be patient. When it’s safe, let them try to do things by themselves. Allow extra time. Expect messy meals and frustration. Applaud their efforts, even if not perfect.

Encourage finger foods and self-feeding. Let them try to get dressed or undressed on their own. Start with easy tasks (e.g., taking off socks, pulling up elastic waist pants), get the task started, let them finish. Expect frustration if they can’t do things for themselves.

Provide choices. Rather than asking “Do you want to get in the car?” say “We have to get in the car. Do you want to walk or should I carry you?”

Make sure there are enough play objects to go around. Explain to older children that it is hard for the baby to share.

Understand that this is not rude behavior. Provide concrete time markers—e.g., after your bath, when Daddy gets home, etc. Provide distraction during wait times.

Use dolls, books, and other people to teach about emotion words like happy, sad, angry, or tired. Try to help them find the words if they are upset. Praise when they do use their words.

Ignore tantrums as much as possible. Do not give in. If they are in danger of hurting themselves or others, distract/redirect or physically hold them until they are able to calm down. Do not hit back or yell in response to tantrums.

Anticipate frequent attempts to get attention. To encourage good behavior, provide attention, praise, smile, clap. Ignore undesired behaviors.

Have several different items to play with (wooden spoons, plastic containers, lids, blocks, short books). Expect church, grocery store to be challenging, especially for tired, hungry toddlers.

Repeat rules frequently. Remind children about rules ahead of time.

Expect the same question to be asked many times. Make sure house is safe; put dangerous things out of reach.

May need adult help to take turns. Be sure to have enough play objects to go around. Consider putting away special toys that may be hard to share with playmates.

Model empathy by saying how you feel when they do something (“When you grab that from Daddy, it makes Daddy feel sad.”)

Use positive attention to reward these moments. Some children talk to themselves out loud for self-control.

Have them help out by cleaning up their toys, drying dishes, setting or clearing the table, or laying out their clothes for the next day. Praise helping.

Fears and nightmares may disrupt sleep. Calmly reassure them that they are ok and you are there. Remind them that dreams are not real. Use a night light.

Praise them for using their words. Acknowledge their feelings. Try to come up with strategies for dealing with those emotions, like deep breaths or counting. Some children control their emotions physically—close eyes, cover ears or walk away.

Expect the same question to be asked many times. Provide answers if you can, or try to find the answer later.

Anything they see or hear may be imitated—even undesirable behaviors.

It can be helpful to prepare them for a change, e.g., “Tomorrow, instead of going to school, you will be staying home with Grandma”.

Longer attention span than when they were toddlers. Still may need a few minutes of adult attention to engage them in a new activity, like 5 minutes of coloring with mom and then they make their own picture. Check in frequently to praise their efforts.