Culture greatly influences parenting attitudes and behaviors. Therefore, you and the families you work with probably have different ideas about what good parenting looks like. When discussing parenting with your families, it is important to create a safe space to respectfully discuss differences. Ask parents: “What values are important to you as a parent? What goals do you and other family members have for your children?” If you are introducing a new parenting strategy, be mindful of cultural norms that may have been in the family for generations, and how those norms might make it easier or harder to change parents’ behavior. Follow the [stages of change, communication] link to learn more about stages of behavior change and communication strategies to use when having these discussions.
- Explore family values and attitudes that may be relevant for parenting style and behaviors. Use the family of origin exercise for ideas about topics to discuss.
- “What was it like growing up in your family? How do you think that has shaped the way you raise your child?”
- Talk about the family members’ goals for the child. What are they trying to teach the child?
- Examples: “What goals do you have for your child? What qualities would you like your child to develop? What kind of person would you like your child to become?”
- Ask how well family members feel the child is reaching these goals already.
- Acknowledge that everyone has the child’s best interests at heart, even when the family’s idea of how to raise the child does not align with yours.
- Example: “It is clear that you care a lot about your son and want what’s best for him.”
- When introducing a new parenting strategy, consider the family member’s stage of change related to this particular parenting behavior
- Use Elicit-Provide-Elicit to suggest new, alternative parenting behaviors that achieve the family’s goals.
- Example: “Many parents find that spanking does not work as a long-term solution to bad behavior. Would it be okay if we discussed other ways of managing your daughter’s behavior?”